By Alice Hubbard
The Revelation . . . .19
An Awakening 25
The Natural Marriage . . .29
The Social Marriage . • .83
The Marriage of Convenience . 37
The Business of Marriage . . 41
Primitive Bondage . . , .45
Nature's Method . . . .49
Economic Freedom . . . .53
Citizens ...... 55
Enforced Dependence . . .63
Homogeneity ..... 71
yiVARRIAGE is a subject of inter-
5^*^ est to all adults, and at one
time in almost every life it is the
vision that fills the horizon.
To many it is a mirage.
To a few it proves to be the hills
from whence cometh their strength.
The rising sun of romance tips
every blade of grass, every leaf and
flower and twig, with the mystery
and miracle of color and perfume.
The noonday light reveals truth
that the half-light of the dawn
could not show.
And evening twilight garners all
the richness of marriage.
The purpose of this book is to
enlighten by bringing into the light
of day experiences that must come
into the lives of women and men.
— Alice Hubbard.
The Myth in Marriage
There is a time in every
man's education when
he arrives at the con-
viction that he must
take himself for better,
for worse, as his por-
tion; that though the
wide universe is full of
good, no kernel of nour-
ishing com can come to
him but through his toil
bestowed on that plot
of ground which is given
to him to till. — Emerson,
The object of love expands and grows
before us to eternity^ until it includes all
that is lovely, and we become all that can
love. — Thoreau.
ARRIAGE, although a
most common incident
in life, is understood as
little as is birth, life
and death. People are
perpetually ignorant on
the subject, and insist upon remain-
ing in this state until the veil of
their temple is rent in twain, and
their holy of holies has daylight
thrown upon it.
Love is a sacred mystery whose
secret is as yet locked away from
mortals. We recognize a few of its
manifestations and dream of its
power. We connect it in our thoughts
with marriage and birth, but we
assume its presence : we do not
Love is spirit, and can not be ana-
lyzed nor understood.
14 THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE
The most that man can apprehend
of it is to know its absence or its
presence. Its most refined manifes-
tations have come to us with the
development of intellect.
There are only a few examples of
the manifestation of great love in
history. So rare are the people
capable of its expression that the
whole world wonders and in awe
has said that the Creator is Love.
QAnd lovers have been set apart
as belonging to the Great Mystery
and revered in degree as is the
Source of Love.
One of the phases of this manifes-
tation in people is the desire to give.
The lover withholds nothing from
his beloved. There is one desire —
to give all. Thus is the mind
expanded until it reaches truth
never before seen.
Love is the enlightener of the soul.
It is the all-seeing eye that dis-
covers the highest possibilities in
man. Its eternal desire is to fulfil
THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE 15
" I can do no ill, because I could
not meet the beloved on terms of
equality if there were any stain upon
my soul. My hands and my heart
must be clean."
Love's .longing is to be entirely
whole, clean and strong.
Love would never deceive. It is
kindred only to truth and good.
^ All of life is sacred to the lover,
and all life is sacred to him.
The lover is not so anxious that the
beloved shall be perfect, as that she
herself, he himself, shall be without
blemish. Love purifies the lover.
Love makes the lover clean.
There is no such thing as unrequited
love, for to have loved is all the
compensation there is. The soul asks
There is a sublime dignity in love — a
majesty that suggests unlimited
To love is an individual experience.
The object of the love is only the
means to this end of awakening
16 THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE
When the lover asks aught from
the beloved, he has descended from
the spiritual estate and begins to
haggle and barter. Then it is not
love, but becomes something to buy
and sell with.
Love radiates from the individual,
as rays of light from its source.
^ When the lover wants to continue
the ecstacy of the experience of
unselfishness, prolong the forgetful-
ness of his sordid self, he does what ?
Just the opposite of what will secure
for him this Nirvana ! He begins to
demand. He asks her to be forever
near him, she asks him to forever
stay, all in faith, believing that
the soul-awakener is a person, when
the person has only reminded the
soul of an ideal. For a time this
person keeps this ideal living before
the soul of the lover.
Elbert Hubbard says, " I love you
because you love the things I love."
There is a trinity in love. Lovers
make the soul to see a similar ideal
which both love.
THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE 17
So long as each asks nothing from
the other, makes no demand, this
ideal may continue to come before
the mind, and remain there while
the person is present, and return
at the thought of the beloved.
he gay enchantment was undone^
gentle wife, hut fairy none. —Err
HE ecstacy of feeling
the presence of the
ideal may continue for
many meetings and
partings, until the lov-
ers believe that each is
responsible for the beautiful ideal
that is theirs.
They arrange to live permanently
in each other's presence.
But this living together has induced
a thousand conditions that had
nothing whatever to do with the
ecstacy of the soul.
Young people do not realize how
much economics has to do with
e very-day living until they are face
to face with e very-day life.
Earning money, the drudgery in
housework, the personal habits of
the individuals, intimate tastes and
prejudices, are all foreign to the
20 THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE
awakening of ideals in the soul.
The beloved, who was once an
angel, becomes a wife, a weaver,
a worker, a plain human being,
subject to the shortcomings and
ignorance that other human beings
And the lover, who is also beloved,
becomes a husband, an earner of
money, in competition with other
workers, subject to irritation, weari-
ness, discouragements, human fail-
The human qualities, the frailties
and shortcomings, do not inspire
the soul to high ideals. And each
looks across the impassable gulf
of the breakfast-table and wonders
why they " introduced into their
lives a spy."
" Where is the ideal I was to dwell
" Where is the ideal that was to
abide with me? "
Their souls are wrenched in anguish.
You must stand up straight and put a
name upon your actions. — Stevenson.
IE business in marriage
about ninety-nine per
There is usually less
romance in marriage
than in any other relationship of
But the general idea concerning
marriage is that it is all or nearly
There is no other business partner-
ship so intimate and complex as
that in marriage.
And this partnership is entered into,
the legal papers are drawn, wit-
nesses to the transaction are called,
and a life agreement is made without
thought, discussion or an agreement
concerning the business part of this
Emphasis has been placed only upon
22 THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE
the love, the part of the contract
which mortals can not control.
The business part of this contract
holds the destinies of the contracting
parties as no other partnership can.
Husband and wife can ruin each
other's fortunes utterly. No out-
sider can do this.
We would consider two men ridicu-
lous who entered into a business
partnership, discussing with each
other only the pleasure they antici-
pated in seeing each other so con-
stantly as they would, working side
by side each day.
Imagine one partner saying to the
other, With all my worldly goods
I thee endow," and slipping upon
his finger a little gold ring. Then
for the duration of this partnership,
the privileged partner giving to him
who wears the ring what he is
inclined, varying as the joy in each
other's presence waxes or wanes.
The idea is silly.
And yet a man and a woman may
contract to live together, giving
THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE 23
little serious thought to the busi-
ness part of such living, until they
find that mortals can not live on
romance, and that the joy of their
lives has flown away.
Ecstacy continued, burns up life,
and is not intended except for
Love may continue with marriage,
and it may not. Civilization has
drifted us into conditions where it
is difficult for romance to continue
after the lovers enter into the busi-
ness of life together.
Marriage is of universal interest.
The weal or woe of the race is
involved in it.
It is a natural incident in the lives
of lovers; but the marriage of
lovers, although an incident in love,
becomes an event in their lives
because of the business partnership,
which phase they did not contem-
The primal purpose in the marriage
of lovers is that they may be per-
petually purified, that they may
24 THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE
live constantly their best. To do
this they must have the Ideal
forever before them.
When the business part of marriage
shows another " side " of their
natures, the Ideal may take wings.
Then they naturally feel they are
cheated. Their first impulse is to
run away from this " trouble/' to
get back to the Ideal before it has
Love, indeed, is light f rom heaven;
A spark of that immortal fire by Allah
given, — Byron.
HE expressions, " fall-
ing in love," and " ma-
king love," are terms
that is impossible.
No one falls in love.
The experience of loving may come
when a person has evolved where
fine perceptions are possible. All
living is an awakening process in
which there are many degrees of
consciousness. At a certain stage
in his evolution, a human being is
able to see and feel certain truth.
^ The imagination is a power which
is developed with intellect and fine
feeling. The imagination can create
a world and people it. In this
way, ideals are perpetually made.
Humanity's effort to realize ideals
26 THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE
When man can image a human
being that fulfils the highest ideal
he can create, the soul rejoices.
Man forgets the imperfect in his
ecstacy when contemplating the
perfect. And when one human
being sees another human being
who reminds him, more or less,
of his ideal, he is said to love.
He does not " fall " nor " make,"
he realizes, he awakens, and some-
It may often occur that the person
who awakens one to this ideal may
recall this ideal once, twice, again
and yet again. Or this person may
constantly recall it, or cease alto-
gether to recall it.
That man and woman are lovers
who constantly keep before each
other the Ideal.
They wish to abide together, be-
cause together they live their best
lives, do their best work, are most
kind to their fellow-man, do no
wrong, can do no wrong. This is
commonly accepted today as the
THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE 27
basis of marriage. It is this ideal
which is vaguely or definitely in the
minds of thinking people when they
wish to marry.
The poet Dante had a wonderful,
complete ideal. He saw but twice
the woman who reminded him of
his Perfect. He wrote in poetry of
his Ideal and called Her by this
His wife, the mother of his children,
was another woman.
Many critics say that Dante's love
for Beatrice was pure. Probably
they say this, because he asked
nothing of her. That he never knew
Beatrice was fortunate, for the two
people had very Httle in common.
Dante was a poet and dreamer.
Beatrice was a woman of the nobility
without serious cares and responsi-
Cell seeks affinity ivith cell. — Reedy,
HEN young people
meet on a natural basis
our present civilization
insists that it must
! necessarily be followed
I by a permanent, life-
long friendship or disgrace.
The cosmic urge causes a meeting
which, if followed by an enforced
close relationship, usually has in-
compatibility as a sequence.
Nature has one thing forever in
mind. Civilization has not counted
A youth and a maiden meet when
passion is strong, the will undisci-
plined and , judgment undeveloped.
Convention says there is but one
thing to do when young people are
thus strongly attracted to each
other, and that is to get the sanction
of society (church and state) and
30 THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE
make arrangements for a perma-
The youth expects the perpetual
beauty, smile and charm of the
ballroom, reception or parlor. The
maiden expects protestation of love,
and her ideals and promises ful-
Each has firmly fixed in the mind
an idea of something that has none
or little of the real in it — an idea
that is impossible. Yet in it there
are hope and fond desire somewhere
The facts are that a struggle has
just begun with some of the unpoetic
realities of existence, of which
neither has ever before dreamed.
^ Perhaps the wife must rise early,
prepare the breakfast, keep the
rooms in order. This is work.
The husband goes to business.
" Oh, she is just like other women ! "
" Oh, he is just a common man ! "
The cosmic urge has nothing to do
THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE 81
with any of this. It has come — and
There is left a social situation.
These two young people have had
something in common, and possibly
only a transitory something.
How shall they live together when
she loves what he hates, and he has
hopes, ambitions, desires that are
nothing to her.^^
" He has cheated me ! " She has
fooled me ! " is their heart-cry.
The truth, however, is something
like this : " We have been deceived.
Nature said one thing to us, and
we confused with it something else
and thought what society said was
true. We have been deceived."
There was nothing in the first
attraction that made these two
understand anything about hard-
ships, disagreeable duties, discom-
forts, weariness, pain.
Those who are anxious to uphold
church authority are saying a good
deal about the divorce evil. They
bring statistics to show that one
32 THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE
out of every twelve marriages
results in divorce.
They have not, however, secured
any statistics as to whether the
people in the other eleven mar-
riages enjoy what our Constitution
affirms to be the rights of American
citizens : life, liberty and the pur-
suit of happiness.
The Church is talking about a
cure " for the divorce evil ! One
bishop earnestly recommends the
Jewish anathematization, " Let
neither party ever be spoken to
again." But how would this remedy
the social condition of the two?
^ This is punishment, but not cure.
The cause of the trouble is not even
looked for by the bishop.
" Is marriage a failure ? " According
to the divorce-courts it is.
The Church concedes that one-
twelfth of all marriages are failures.
THE SOCIAL MARRIAGE
/ am not surprised that some make ship-
wreck, but that any come to port.
SOCIAL marriage is
based on the idea of a
high and lofty friend-
ship, an indissoluble
partnership, an inti-
macy of relationship
unknown in any other phase of
Such a marriage was not intended
by Nature. A new element is intro-
duced when a social marriage oc-
curs of which Nature had no thought,
and we should reckon with this, not
This new element is the intellect.
Nature does not recognize it in the
cosmic urge.. So the meeting of
man and woman on an intellectual
plane, on a basis of the sweetest
friendship imaginable, is the only
condition by which Nature can
34 THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE
endure the social marriage tie —
which so often binds, imprisons,
and makes slaves.
Even at this time man considers
that he owns a woman; that he
has purchased her freedom, her
will, her habits, her aspirations,
her time, her love, her energies,
her future, every activity of her
life. She is in very truth under a
master. And the woman, as well,
usually considers this true.
The woman thinks, because she is
owned, that there are certain rights
connected with her husband which
she also has. In the majority of
cases the wife realizes her inferior
strength when might makes right,
and the husband is not trusted.
He must give an account of himself,
morning, noon and night; of his
money, his letters, his attentions.
^ The woman has certain laws
which she, too, tries to enforce. He
must support her, with all that the
" Did n't he promise to do this on
THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE 85
the wedding-day ? Certainly, yes !
So far as I know, humanity is one
in its nature, and neither male nor
female. No woman naturally wants
to be owned and possessed. Human-
ity rebels against tyranny ; and there
are more discord, more heartaches,
more wrangling, more unhappiness
among married people than among
Were it possible for men and women
when they marry to realize that
they own nothing more in " rights "
after marriage than they did before,
and would make no more demands
upon each other, marriage even
with its present accepted meaning
would not be a failure.
The import of marriage, as it is
understood today, is on the basis
of intellectual friendship, a business
partnership, mutuality in all inter-
ests of life. Few people know this.
We have mixed methods. Nature
makes no compulsory laws in this
matter of living together.
Society has done this. The laws
36 THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE
man makes, man must enforce. But
what God hath joined together, no
man can put asunder. What God
hath not joined together, man is
not very successful in combining.
We have demonetized woman, ta-
king away from her the natural
strength, courage and independence
that belong to the mother ; made of
her a slave, under which condition
she does not thrive.
And neither does man thrive in
being master, for the chain that
holds the one is fastened to the
wrist of the other.
Woman must make herself econom-
ically free, find work that exercises
her body and her mind, and most
of the cause of discord, unrest and
unhappiness will have disappeared.
THE MARRIAGE OF
Its only end is the principle of existence.
EOPLE who marry
without ideals entering
in as part of the con-
tract have few disap-
pointments or troubles.
fl[ If the woman expects
the man simply to provide shelter,
food, raiment, and the man expects
a good cook, housekeeper and valet,
and each fulfils his part of the
expectation, there are few other
Tenderness, kindness, attentions are
asked for very moderately, and
good service brings its own reward.
Each understands the situation and
has accepted this business arrange-
ment with marriage. So there is no
disappointment, no heartache. They
get out of their marriage all they
had expected. They are not guilty
88 THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE
of experiment and folly. They have
their quota of commonsense — and
use it. Their ideals are simple and
We iwo have climbed together.
Maybe we shall go on yet, side by side.
OVERS who marry
think more of the Ideal
than of all else. And
if or when the Ideal
ceases to remain in the
presence of the husband
or the wife, then love is gone. In
its place sorrow sits.
Whatever marriage may have been
in the past, it has now two distinct
phases which should be definitely
understood by all people.
I. The business partnership.
II. The spiritual relation.
BUSINESS OF MARRIAGE
You are dealing with something far more
precious than any plant — the priceless
soul of a child. — Burbank
IE civic recognition of
! marriage does not take
I direct cognizance of the
J Ideal, or love-phase, of
this unilateral contract,
I although it assumes
that love is the motive of the union.
The state takes it for granted that
the purpose of this union is to
perpetuate the race, give to the
state citizens. The permanence of
the marriage is supposed to be
desirable, because the physical sup-
port and welfare of wife and children
rest with the husband, unless he
become insane, sick or criminal.
Then Charity gives the pauperi-
zing support of a tyrant. Desirable
citizens are seldom evolved in " In-
42 THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE
Occasionally, a mother is endowed
with power to maintain her family
alone ; but the instances are few.
In marriage the state obtains the
promise of the contracting parties
to love, honor and cherish ; to love,
honor and obey, through sickness,
through health, until death.
However, the state is able to enforce
but one portion of the promise, to
cherish," which, being interpreted,
means that the husband must con-
tribute a certain portion of his
income to the woman, provided she
has not broken the letter of the law
in one respect, and has not deserted
nor flagrantly quarreled with her
husband. If she has been acquies-
cent, she is still to be cherished."
This alimony, as such tax is some-
times termed, is required whether
the wife is mother or not, or is
engaged in educating citizens or
not. It may be exacted — the letter
of the law — although the intent of
the marriage may not have been
THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE 43
Tacitly, the state recognizes the
desirability of love in marriage,
although it has no jurisdiction over
it, and can not enforce the keeping
of this promise by husband or wife.
^ Loving or not loving is not within
the control of mortals.
It is admitted now by men and
women that the laws of all countries
of the world were made by men for
men. They do not discriminate
against women so seriously and so
unjustly as did Moses, but the civil
laws give wife and mother no chance
Until recently, the promise to obey
has been enforced; also, the wife's
promise to be true to one man and
none other. So we have had the
prayer which is international:
" Make our women virtuous and
our men brave," the meaning of
brave being, able to fight man and
" Virtue " has been interpreted as
being a negation, an indifference to
all but husband.
44 THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE
Nothing that can transpire in wed-
lock is considered not virtuous.
liberty! liberty! how many
crimes are committed in thy name ! "
^ Woman has found submission
easier than to assert and obtain the
human right of independence in the
control of her own mind and body.
^ " It is a hard world for girls,"
said Martin Luther, five hundred
It is still a hard world for girls and
Nature is said to love the female
more than the male, for she serves
Her more devotedly, and Nature
has taken care that she shall.
Woman pays the first cost on human life
HEN a woman feels the
first grip of her child's
dependence upon her,
she has forever lost
her freedom. If the
child dies, a grave
shackles her soul through life. If
the child lives, the welfare of that
child keeps perpetually between
her and the sun.
Before her babe is born. Nature has
absorbed the mother's strength and
charm that Her one purpose may
be accomplished. Man finds it easy
to neglect woman then. In fact,
his honor, pride, fear and loyalty
to a principle, one or all, are his
safeguard and the mentor that
holds him to duty when his wife is
absorbed by motherhood.
Nature demands all from the
46 THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE
mother. She takes possession and
uses her so that the woman has no
will for the time. She is Nature's,
body and soul, " Used by an unseen
Power for an unknown end."
Does a woman enter into this
prison-house voluntarily ?
Nature blindfolds and lures her
Before civilization developed a hec-
tic super-sentiment in woman, she
lived as do the animals. Naturally,
motherhood was an incident in
her life. Her children early became
independent, and she had a com-
fortable, healthy indifference to
their welfare after they were able
to get a living.
All the time she was a mother she
was economically free. She had had
the strength to take care of herself
from childhood, and when her child
came, she was able to care for both.
^ The father of her baby made no
demands upon her for service as
cook, housekeeper, laundress, valet.
THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE 47
lover or friend. He took care of
himself wholly, and so did she. All
they wanted was food and shelter.
^ But since man's needs are multi-
ple, the demands upon male and
female are great.
The more intimately we attach ourselves
to Nature, the more she glows with beauty
and returns us our affection. — Froebel.
AlTURE does not seem
to have expected man
to get more than a
primitive living. She
has not changed Her
methods at all.
Man has changed. He makes and
directs machinery that earns for
one man what fifty men can earn ;
so that one man is fiifty times richer
than a primitive man.
Nature uses no machinery.
It takes more than twenty years of
the mother's time to develop one
citizen. There are no short cuts nor
quick methods in woman's special
The mother of a large family has
given twenty-five of the best years
of her life to the work which none
but her can do.
50 THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE
She has given to the state citizens.
Q This has cost her all her strength,
all her time and the ambitions of a
quarter of a century.
As our present civilization is, she
has given her economic independ-
ence, her individual ambitions.
She pays dearly for the privilege
of being mother to citizens. She is
dependent upon one man for the
maintenance of both herself and
^i^HE man, too, is blindfolded by
Nature and is led where he
The desire to give all of his earn-
ings to the development of citizens
may never have been his. He may
not know nor care about the welfare
and perpetuation of the state.
But Nature has not bound him
hand and foot to Her plans. When,
or if, his aflFection ceases for this
woman who is dependent upon
him for food, shelter and clothing.
THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE 51
he may use his own judgment
about the woman's and the chil-
dren's needs. So long as they escape
the attention of the Humane Socie-
ties, the family is at his mercy.
The woman and her work are
dependent upon him just the same.
*5I Unwilling money buys poor food,
clothing and teaching. It has evolved
bargain-days and cheap goods.
She consider eth afield and huyeth it. With
the fruit of her hands she planteth a
vineyard. — Solomon.
pE wisdom of states-
I women and of states-
men should evolve a
J whereby mothers shall
"^iHhave a solid financial
basis for doing woman's work.
Civilization has placed a ban upon
motherhood. There is ever the
stigma upon it which Moses placed
there. It is hard, cruelly hard, to be
a mother in the United States,
this " land of the free."
We anathematize and practically
kill a mother who has not conformed
to our laws, irrespective of what
Nature has said about it. We take
her child from her, hide it, falsify
about it, and then disown the
mother if she demands the inherent
rights of a mother.
54 THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE
We talk about the glory of mother-
hood, but we do not act to the
glory of motherhood.
The business of marriage is to
develop citizens. The financial part
of this partnership should receive
the most careful attention of all
people who are to marry. They
should realize that they are assu-
ming responsibilities great and un-
known to them. They are leaving
a simple life to enter into one
vastly more complex.
Woman is fast evolving a brain.
And women are thinking. Brain,
not sentiment, will be the directing
power under which women live.
Wisdom and judgment will guide
them. They will not give the best
in their lives to the work of rear-
ing children, without reasonable,
business assurance of funds with
which to do their work.
It is true thai I am an alien.
But my son — my son is Themistocles.
CITIZEN is one who
has evolved from a
condition where he was
content to live alone,
care for himself alone,
into a state where he
desires to live with others, and is
interested in the welfare of others.
^ Women were the first human
beings to qualify as citizens.
Their care for their children early
extended their interest beyond their
own welfare. From protecting and
providing for her immediate family,
the mother's interests naturally
extended first to all children and
then to all human beings who were
in need of care.
Women are potential mothers, and
so are inherent citizens.
56 THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE
Women are citizens by natural
Men are citizens by education.
The desire to co-operate is the
natural desire of an evolving, sane
people. Supremely selfish people,
who care not at all for others, are
either barbaric or insane.
A city was the result of the citizen
The mother's brain was evolved
through her desire to benefit her
children. She then saw that what
was good for her own was good
for her neighbor's family, and for
all families. All manufactories, all
industries, reforms and civic im-
provements have originated in
woman's brain, evolved because of
the mother-instinct of love.
From the city, human interest
extended into the state, from the
state into the nation. From the
limitation of belonging to a nation,
we shall sometime become citizens
of the world.
A stateswoman or statesman is one
THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE 57
who is intelligently active in work
that materially benefits the citizens
of a state or nation.
The rights of citizenship naturally
belong to all people who wish to
and can contribute to the welfare
of their fellow-man.
Formerly, statesmen were business-
men of experience and ability who
had prescience. They could see
what was beneficial to their own
interests, and from this their interest
expanded, and they saw what was
good for the well-being of many
men. They were men, like Benjamin
Franklin, who were able to project
themselves into the lives of others.
They were the first monists.
Statesmen had had experience —
they had lived. They knew values,
what served and what was not
desirable. They also knew that no
one reaches any goal alone. No
man can progress much faster than
the rest of his kind.
So the statesman was a representa-
tive man, but a pioneer in progress.
58 THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE
His avocation was to work for his
kind. His vocation was his own
business, which he minded very
Appreciative people saw the benefit
to others, and gave the statesman
the recognition of honors. This was
all he desired or needed. He was
not a pauper, he was not submerged
in financial diflficulties.The oppressed
can not see beyond their own needs
— are incapable of generous thoughts
or wise judgment.
Statesmen were and are strong,
successful men. People want for a
savior one who can first save him-
There came a time when states-
men, like lawyers, received pay for
And lo, politicians and grafters,
plums and taxes !
Today, statesmen are few and are
classed as politicians.
All political offices have a little
twig of laurel tied to the door, but
the pay-envelope inside is generally
THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE 59
what lures men to enter and abide.
" The laborer is worthy of his
hire," they aflfirm. And he is, pro-
vided he labors for the thing for
which he was hired.
" The people " are willing to pay
politicians for piecework, provided
the quality is right.
When we say, " Children are the
greatest asset of the nation," every-
body nods assent to the sentiment,
and many applaud.
" What we do with the children
decides what they will do with the
nation," we add, and there is never
a dissenting look or voice.
We aflfirm that the greatest work
the state can do is to develop
citizens. Perpetuity of the state is
synonymous with perpetuity of the
race. This is supposed to be Nature's
dearest desire — to perpetuate the
So it should be the dearest desire
of statesmen, politicians, to perpet-
uate the state, and the state is the
aggregation of its citizens.
60 THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE
We are in a dense fog with regard
to the value of citizens.
We say that man is all. This is
Politicians are interested in acquir-
ing and holding power, in war
appliances and armies. They give
some assistance in the develop-
ment and care of vegetables, fruits,
trees, and the flora in general. They
are also interested in the develop-
ment of all domesticated animals,
the preservation of the birds, forests
and natural parks, the protection of
the fish. They have game-laws
which are wise and whose results
And the state hires and pays people
to take care of all these interests.
It also hires and pays people who
see that the laws are respected
which have been made for the pro-
tection and perpetuity of flora and
But as yet, lawmakers, politicians,
reformers, and influential citizens
have not made provision for the
THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE 61
development of citizens, except as
the institution of the school system
assists in this work.
Thou givest man bread. Lei my aim be to
give man himself, — Froebel.
HERE was a time
when women, like
statesmen, were eco-
nomically free. They
spun and wove, man-
harvested, cooked. Land was cheap
and needs were few. The women
gave a part of their time to the
state in rearing citizens, but they
did not give all. They were self-
supporting, in great measure ; there-
fore, self-respecting and capable.
But women lost their economic
independence when industries were
taken from the home.
Farming, dairying, spinning, weav-
ing, tailoring, laundering, baking,
dressmaking, millinery, building,
carpentering, are all done on a big
scale, outside of the home, where
C4 THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE
the women, because they were
mothers, could not follow their
Women are left with the dependent
occupations of working for the state
and working for their husbands, for
neither of which can they collect
Husbands' policy is: Where the
treasury is, there will the wives*
hearts be also.
The welfare of the women who give
their time — twenty-four hours of
the day, and for twenty-five or
thirty years of their lives, their
prime — for the development of citi-
zens has been left to chance.
The state has made no provision
whereby potential citizens shall be
assured of the proper care.
The mother's time has been con-
sidered of no value; that is, her
service is not paid for in money.
If, in her youth, a woman married
a man who was able to make money,
she might be assured of food, cloth-
ing and shelter for her children
THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE 65
unless or until Fortune frowned
and the property was lost.
Any woman, whose husband dies,
gives her time to the care of her
children, no matter how poorly
equipped she may be to earn a
living for them in the world. She
tries to do her own work, and
besides that, what her husband
did — maintain the family.
The state has made no provision
for the care of potential citizens
whose father has died, thereby
cutting oflf the income which was
We say that the purpose of the
home is to develop children, that
the home is established for children.
^ The purpose of the school is to
supplement the teaching of the
home, and this is to be re-enforced
by the influence of the church. The
office of the state is to wisely pro-
tect the home and safeguard the
interests of its citizens. The govern-
ment is the mentor of the citizens.
^ The theory is admitted that the
66 THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE
business world is organized and
operated for the one purpose of
maintaining the home and its
adjuncts — school, church and gov-
ernment. But the fact is, that,
except for the taxes which great
business institutions pay, there are
very few children taken care of
directly by big businesses.
The very rich have one, possibly
two, rarely three children, and
these, instead of being developed
for working citizens, often evolve
into ornaments, and sometimes be-
come a nuisance and an expense to
The mothers who give their time
to the care of large families have
no regular incomes. Their husbands
are poor, and contribute to the
development of citizens what they
can, or will.
The people who are doing the most
important work for the state, for
whom all business is operated (as
tradition sayeth), have no capital,
and are carrying on their more or
THE MYTH IN MAKRIAGE 67
less great work by donations, given
at the discretion of the donor. They
can not receive more than their
husband's income, and never have
No matter how eflScient these
women may be as mothers, there is
no recognition of this excellence,
except by a few friends of the
Nothing has been done to make a
large family popular. The trend of
the whole course of civilization has
been and is to do anything but
Of course, women are supposed to
be too spiritually minded to want
compensation in money for work
done for love.
However, is any great work done
that is not done for love of the work ?
No one writes, paints, plays, builds,
prints, binds books, models in
leather or clay, raises cattle, fruits,
grains, but him who loves his work.
There is little response in any part
of life, other than to love.
68 THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE
All workers accept the .world's
custom of using money as a medium
of exchange for their time and
energy — all except mothers and
wives. So much service is given for
so much money, and so much
money for so much service.
Women are human beings, no more
and no less than are men. They are
just as human as men. They love
freedom, independence and justice.
There is no natural reason why
they should not have public recog-
nition for work and development.
The custom of the world is to use
money as a medium of exchange or
as a representation of wealth.
Wealth is an accumulation of energy
held in reserve. People should be
very careful to use this reserve
advantageously. They are very jeal-
ous of expending time and energy
unless it counts in wealth.
All people but mothers do this.
This is why motherhood has become
unpopular and a burden. The mother
is in economics a pauper, a depend-
THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE 69
ent, at the mercy or bounty of one
^ The first use of a home was to
care for children, to protect them.
Women built the first houses and
for this one purpose.
Modern houses are made for adults
more than for children. They are
places of luxury. The thought of a
nursery is seldom in the minds of
the makers of houses. The architect
does not have for his recurring
theme, " How will this add to the
development of citizens ?
Women are human beings. They
are very much like men. They need
Self-preservation is the first law.
And women, like men, are selfish.
They often stifle the instincts of
Nature in one direction that they
may live in the world as it is today.
^ Rapid travel, the opportunity to
see and know what there is to be seen
and known, lures women just the
same as it does men. Independence is
just as dear to women as it is to men.
What we request of life is thai the tools
should be given to his hand or hers who
can handle them.—Schreiner.
OMAN is a human
being before she is a
mother and all the
time she is a mother.
And after her active
work of motherhood
is finished, she will still be a human
being, subject to all the ambitions,
hopes, desires and interests that
Daughters have inherited tenden-
cies from their fathers as well as
from their mothers, and all daugh-
ters have done this from prehistoric
times to the present. Sons have
belonged to mothers as well as to
fathers. The race is one.
Women can not be limited in the
expression of this great miracle of
life which stirs her soul, as it stirs
72 THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE
Woman and man are awakening,
brain and heart.
Woman must have freedom to
work, to think, to find happiness,
to express herself. She must be
accepted as a part of every part of
this becoming Democracy. She must
be accepted in the world as it is
today. She belongs, not to the
past, but to this present.
There is work that she alone can
do, and to do this she must be
The freedom of woman is the most
important of all subjects that states-
men and citizens can consider.
Pay mothers for the work they do
for the state. Give them the oppor-
tunity for economic freedom, that
they may be self-respecting, and
develop on equal terms with men.
The great need of the world is
for better women and men — an
There is just one way: we must
have evolving mothers.
Servile mothers have slave sons
THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE 73
and stupid daughters, and some-
times criminal children.
Women must be free to choose their
If they marry, they must recognize
the business in marriage and enter
into the business partnership with
With no less intelligence must men
understand that the contract in
marriage can not be unilateral and
bring benefit or happiness to either
person, nor can the purpose of
marriage be best accomphshed.
Democracy in marriage is the Great
Imperative. We would have a demo-
cratic form of government? De-
mocracy must begin at the founda-
tion of all government — the home.
We are ministered unto by the moonhmms
and the starlight as well as by the god of day,
OMANCE is the color
and the perfume of
life. It is that which
gives charm to living.
Romance lures us to
live. It called us into
being, has bound us to life, and
does not desert us at its close.
Although Romance is the most
intangible thing in the world, the
moonshine of living, it is the most
It is the will-o*-the-wisp that has
led to all invasions, all discoveries,
all victories, all heroism, all inven-
tions, all arts, all business, all
human endeavor. Without it there
would be no marriage. The human
race would cease to be.
One of the myths in marriage is
to assume that the Romance is
76 THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE
all, or will continue under all con-
Business belongs to the realm of
fact and deals with tangible sub-
stances. It has to do with the
practical part of life. It gives us
food, clothing, shelter. It furnishes
us great problems, exercise for
body and mind. It is a great factor
in the evolution of man.
One of the myths in marriage is to
assume that business and business
struggles do not enter into the
lives of lovers. The fact is that
business occupies much of the
time of every honest man and
honest woman. It is necessary to
life. Without work, romance would
cease, the human race would die.
The ideal and the real are interde-
pendent in all phases of human life.
^ In marriage there is a myth that
the twain are one flesh. But the
two are two, just as surely as one
and one make two, unless neither
is worth counting.
It might not be such folly for a
THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE 77
woman to trust her happiness to
a man, if any man could make any
woman happy. But happiness is
within the power of the individual
alone. Nature intended it to be so.
^ If a woman were an incompetent,
unable to earn or provide for her-
self, it might be well to leave her
finances wholly in the hands of her
But women who have the right to
give children to society are capable
of taking care of themselves and
financing their personal interests.
Mothers should be thus capable.
In marriage we must recognize the
individuality in the partnership,
just as we must the romance and
A helpless, dependent, undeveloped,
sentimental woman is not an in-
spirer of ideals. The man absorbed
and involved in business is not an
awakener or reminder of the Perfect.
^ A little time is necessary for the
appreciation of the beautiful, the
charming, the wonderful in life.
78 THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE
Leisure to think together and work
together on things of mutual in-
terest, is necessary to marriage, or
there can be little love.
When lovers are independently de-
pendent upon each other, it is a
wonderful privilege to meet.
When lovers are economically free,
as they were before marriage, there
is no asking of favors nor demand-
When lovers are grateful for the
privilege of being together, and
meet only when it is a joy to do so,
love will abide.
And Romance, that lured them to
life, and lighted their path to
marriage, will ever illumine the
way, even unto death.
If a woman's desire is to seek ease
and luxury, and find oblivion, let
her not marry, for that is not the
easiest way thither. A woman has
neither natural nor moral right to
involve others in her selfishness.
If a man wants adoration, comfort,
indulgence, cheap service and ease.
THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE 79
let him not marry. He probably can
get them all with more certainty
and with less expense without
marrying. A man has neither natural
nor moral right to marry for these.
^ Men and women have not evolved
far. " It doth not yet appear what
we shall be."
Higher ideals will lure humanity
on and on to a higher state of
intelligence, and to better living,
to a more refined and nobler justice
than we have yet imagined.
Men and women will not long be
looking for ease, nor want to have
what they do not earn.
When love calls, they will respond
with intelligence, knowing that this
is Nature's voice, and therefore
divine. They will rejoice in the most
strenuous exercise of living.
Then with deep joy we can say
at the close :
" To live is glorious. I have lived ! "
THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE
WRITTEN BY ALICE HUBBARD
TITLE-PAGE, INITIALS AND
DESIGNED FOR THIS BOOK
BY RAYMOND NOTT
A. V. INGHAM
PRINTED BY THE ROYCROFTERS
AT THE ROYCROFT SHOPS
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